Name! That! Comment! OT “Biggest Fans” Edition!

Welcome back, readers, once again to the home edition of the Fractalbook Network’s much idolized game show: Name! That! Comment!

Tonight, due to the panic of sweeps week and the fear of ratings slippage, we’ve cobbled together a most prodigious presentation.

Our crackhead team of scientologists has scoured cyberspace (and beyond!) to seek out only the purest and surest OT buffs — only the truly obsessed OT devotees — only the utterly braindead OT rooters.

And, for one night only, we’ve gathered all these obstructionistic opposers together on the same staged page for your enjoyment at their expense. Please welcome OT’s fave haters in Name! That! Comment!: OT "Biggest Fans" Edition!

Remember how we play? A questionably artistic, allegedly fractal-type image is first displayed and subjected to your critical scrutiny. Then, you are provided with four comments. Three are imposters. To score, you must correctly select the one comment that was actually posted to the purported art object.

Round One features work and chat from this anti-OT foul nest on deviantART. Here, the hating is raw, the minds are numb, and the facts are beside the point. Ad hominem is not kept to a minimum. Each correct answer is worth 200 points.

[Click on images to view at higher resolution on source sites.]

 Coral Rift by lyc

Coral Rift by lyc

1.
The correct comment is:
(a)_____ Remember, kids, if yr art looks like this then please delete it ASAP.
(b)_____ Remember, kids, if yr poop looks like this go to the docter ASAP.
(c)_____ Remember, kids, you’ll catch more flies with honey than with yr own poop.
(d)_____ Remember, kids, yr should always find excretion metaphors befitting for this artist. :poo:

 Endless dreams of deep by IDeviant

Endless dreams of deep by IDeviant

2.
The correct comment is:
(a)_____ Reminds me of microphotography of gastrointestinal bile.
(b)_____ Reminds me of metastasized photosynthesis in poison oak.
(c)_____ Reminds me of the inside of the cathedral in Albi.
(d)_____ Will construction on the new cloverleaf interchange ever be finished?

 The Wall by Esintu

The Wall by esintu

3.
The correct comment is:
(a)_____ Looks to me like a weird broken view of high-rise offices. I swear I can see people in some of the windows. :D
(b)_____ Looks to me like a refracted eclipse of a parking garage. I swear I can see oil stains on the cement floors. :clap:
(c)_____ Looks to me like a flashback glimpse of Aztec ruins. I swear I can see the bloody human hearts still beating. :thumbsup:
(d)_____ I find these new traffic cones to be somewhat distracting. :)

 Red Winds by Platinus

Red Winds by platinus

4.
The correct comment is:
(a)_____ The drift of a fish hook floating languidly in liquid mercury. One of my outré first impressions!
(b)_____ The sensuality of an innocent "J" resisting halfheartedly its bed restraints. One of my freaky first impressions!
(c)_____ The flourish of an ear listening closely to beloved skin. One of my off-the-wall first impressions!
(d)_____ Mommy, why does the man with all the face tattoos have his mustache pierced through his earlobe?

 Smile by Milleniumsentry

Smile by milleniumsentry

5.
The correct comment is:
(a)_____ I still think that smiley faces in a fractal is a "masterpiece," especially if a person has a sense of humor.
(b)_____ I will assert that smiley faces in a fractal is an "abomination to artists everywhere," especially if a person has a scrap of culture and taste.
(c)_____ If there ever was an archetype for a negative example of a fractal art masterpiece, this would decidedly be it.
(d)_____ [OT reader now viewing image above and then suddenly forced into the POV of the young cocooned boy in the film Aliens]: "Kill me. Please. Kill me."

Okay, players. Please mark your ballots and don’t touch that dial. We’ll be right back after this important message.

Public Service Announcement
*************************
Hello again, kids. I’m David X. Machina, former Compliment-O pitchman and empty suit who plays a blogger on this blog. I’d like to speak with you today about a creeping and pervasive public mental health contagion. Fractalbook Derangement Syndrome (FDS).

Although your host, Mr. Animal, relies upon "low" comic devices like satire and sarcasm to lampoon the foibles of online art community confabbing, the long term effects of Fractalbook exposure can indeed lead to real life maladies like delusions of grandeur and in-a-bubble cognitive dissonance. In advanced stages, the worst manifestation of FDS can lead to the psychotic belief that one is actually an artist who is actually making art.

And what is the root of this perfidious illness? It’s caused by the lack of something rarely ever found on Fractalbook: honest and critical feedback.

In fact, Fractalbook actively discourages reliable art criticism. This construct is self-evident if one references what many consider to be the equivalent of a Fractalbook Bible: The "Play Nice Policy". This Big Brotherish document is housed on Redbubble, an online enclave that describes itself "as a respectful, supportive and encouraging community of people who are passionate about art and creativity." Here’s a snip of their policy:

We ask that you are mature, respectful and considerate in your interactions with others. If you disagree with something you see on Redbubble, please be mindful that it’s not ok to target other artists, write personal or hurtful comments about them or use them as negative examples. Such actions are considered a breach of our community guidelines on acceptable behavior and can result in account closure.

Since when did having an honest reaction to a work of art become immature? No doubt, a response like this is much more indicative of adulthood:

Hugz xoxoxo 

I think WOW someone should give you a misspelled award for this superb cutting edge mind-blowingly amazing superb fave of faves!!!!!! Have a great weekend!!!!!!

And isn’t any response other than a sycophantic compliment potentially "hurtful"? And can’t artists learn something about both their art and their craft from so-called "negative examples"?

Let’s take a hypothetical situation. You’ve enrolled in a creative writing workshop. Every time your poem or story or play comes up to be critiqued by your peers, each workshop member gives you a variation of this response:

 Awesome!!!!!!

Another Masterpiece!!!!!! I could read it allll day!!!!!!

What do you think is your potential to grow as an artist in such an environment? And would you begin to suspect that your peers were being less than dependable in their assessment of your work? Might you start to speculate that their responses were complete bullshit and designed only to have you reciprocate to their work with similar saccharine backslaps?

If you think the compliments you receive daily on sites like Redbubble and devianART are on the level and come with no ulterior motives, I suggest you never leave your Fractalbook bubble, and I would not recommend you send your "art" out to a juried gallery, exhibition, or art magazine. You could be in for a severe reality check.

Working professionals in the fine arts face the possibility of rejection as a constant fact of life. Over time, such professionals are forced to develop thick skins. They also undergo frequent critical reappraisals of their own work.

Can you be circumspect about your art if everything you produce is exuberantly praised? No. Your artistic growth will be stifled if you never leave your sealed Fractalbook biodome. In fact, you’ll stagnate — surrounded by daily doses of mediocrity and the illusion that what you create is widely and unremittingly beloved.

But, truth be known, you don’t want a cure for FDS, do you? You like being told everyday that "you are really great." Besides, being cured of FDS would require an epiphany that your online art community really has absolutely nothing to do with art. It’s just another online social club modeled after a high school clique. You might indeed be the most popular kid in the cafeteria, the chosen one with the most faves and hugs and smileys exuding floating hearts and popping kisses, but it’s questionable that you’re ever going to be a working professional artist.

So, I wonder, why do you bother coming to this blog in the first place? Is it, in spite of what you perceive as its many faults and cheeky tone, an oasis — a kind of refuge — the one place in the fractal art community where you are treated like an adult and will not be pro forma falsely flattered coupled with the unavoidable expectation that you must repay the favor in kind?

Thanks for listening. Oh, and have a nice weekend!!!!!!

*************************
Public Service Announcement

Welcome back to the show that never dies but wants to: Name! That! Comment! Round Two features work and chat selected by random lottery to represent the "biggest fans" of OT. Here the hating is pretentious, the minds are scrambled, and the facts are wholly unconsidered. Fallacies frolic like animated gifs of sickeningly cutesy unicorns. Each correct answer is worth 400 points.

 Bug Monster Wearing Robe by Hal Tenny

Bug Monster Wearing Robe by HalTenny

6.
The correct comment is:
(a)_____ Whoa! I’m taking a potent antacid!
(b)_____ Damn! I’m having a salvia flashback!
(c)_____ Yo! I’m awaiting some artistic prowess!
(d)_____ Those Shaolin monks are sure getting more worldly.

 121010-B by Pasternek

121010-B by pasternek

7.
The correct comment is:
(a)_____ This is your brain on bad art.
(b)_____ [Serious doctor voice]: "I’m very sorry, Mr. Pasternek. It appears that your kidneys are having an affair."
(c)_____ Honey, are these reishi mushrooms in the crisper still good?
(d)_____ No comments have been added yet.

 Pokeballs by Jimpan1973

Pokeballs by jimpan1973

8.
The correct comment is:
(a)_____ With that many Pokeballs, you’ll catch them all for sure.
(b)_____ Note to self about this guy’s work: Gotta avoid it all.
(c)_____ Meanwhile, inside the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant…
(d)_____ This looks familiar. Is this a still from a Lifetime movie about an explosion at the North Pole? I seem to recall that Santa Claus was playing chess with Rybka when suddenly a dirty gel bomb filled with steel ball bearings blew up, and oodles of perfectly replicated spherical bits of Santa covered several continents. The lead investigator, Officer Jenny, speculated that a sleeper cell of disgruntled elves was likely behind the attack. But, of course, that was a false trail. What actually happened was that Cindy Lou Who had gone rogue. I have a still from that film, too. See:

Cindy Lou Who Goes Rogue 

Don’t forget the Grinch Santa. I know he’s mean and hairy and smelly.

 Big Heart by Fiery-Fire

big heART by fiery-fire

9.
The correct comment is:
(a)_____ I is soooooooooooo happy!!! Whenever I see your pieces I want to just stare at them alllll day!!!
(b)_____ I is soooooooooooo crazy!!! Whenever I see your pieces I want to just jam a power drill into my eye sockets alllll day!!!:chainsaw:
(c)_____ I is soooooooooooo stoned!!! Whenever I see your pieces I want to just blot out the resulting unbearable pain with medical marijuana alllll day!!!
(d)_____ Honey, why did you DVR Apocalypto again?

 Klimt Crowns the Cliteri by LMarkoya

Klimt Crowns the Cliteri by LMarkoya

10.
The correct comment is:
(a)_____ It looks like an abstract lady bits.
(b)_____ If you vajazzle your fractals, does that count as post-processing?
(c)_____ Although this piece is worth little as art, perhaps you can still get something for it on the scrap gold market.
(d)_____ Meanwhile, inside the Large Hadron Collider

Thank you for playing the home edition of Name! That! Comment! Once you have marked your examination sheet, you can then self-check your scores and status using the grids below.

Moreover, the management here at OT urges our readers to make liberal use of the comments section below in order to add their own creative comment options. Feel free to use the designator (e) for any of the images featured in today’s special edition game show spoof post. Here would be an example:

5. (e)_____ Perhaps my Oxycontin dosage needs to be cut in half.

Until next time…

Scoring Grid:
500 points: Obviously Truckle Challenged
1000 points: Better Hire an Ass-Kissing Tutor
1500 points: Passing from Fawning to Kowtowing
2000 points: Servile to an Extraordinary Extent
2500 points: Cringing with True Submissiveness
3000 points: Bubbly Babs Lifetime Achievement Award

Answer Grid:
1. here
2. here
3. here
4. here
5. here
6. here
7. here
8. here
9. here
10. here

3 thoughts on “Name! That! Comment! OT “Biggest Fans” Edition!

  1. I had good fun reading that blog post, and even more reading Hal’s comment. Long life to DA and OT, a winning combination! (well, maybe until I’m tore down by the latter…)

  2. Firstly – how disappointing to see you back, it means a Christmas wish from 2012 of OT killing-over, didn’t work. Lets wish again this year !!

    Secondly – I’m still amused at your talents of finding pieces made for fractal artists kids as gifts versus, browsing same galleries full of good artworks and posting those instead.
    As Hal Tenny said here above – the effort in being rude & insulting is clear, as we all know, nothing will stop “good deviantart” trolls like cruel animal from having their fun at other people expense ;) Happy trolling – so sorry you are back :(

  3. What ever happened to “Orbit Trap v2.0: A Kinder, Gentler Fractal Blog”?

    (a) ~ We were just kidding.
    (b) ~ And now for the next joke of the day.
    (c) ~ If you think our “Kinder, Gentler” version is harsh, you should read some of our old stuff.
    (d) ~ All of the above.

    Seriously?

    (a) ~ As a heart attack.
    (b) ~ We don’t play well with others. We don’t play at all.
    (c) ~ Good, bad, we’re the guys with the blog.
    (d) ~ What do you want for nothing?

    Hey, this is fun isn’t it?

    (a) ~ Yes! And it can be done without being utterly rude too!
    (b) ~ Yes! Even if we do take the idea behind an image totally out of context.
    (c) ~ Think this is rude you should read some of our older stuff.
    (d) ~ Who cares what you think.

    What did you expect?

    (a) ~ A kinder Gentler Orbit Trap.
    (b) ~ Serious criticism.
    (c) ~ Less acerbic mediocrity.
    (d) ~ A good read as opposed to more infantile entertainment.

    What did we get?

    (a) ~ More infantile entertainment as opposed to more good reading.
    (b) ~ Same old same old…
    (c) ~ The best bait and switch statement I’ve seen yet… “A kinder, gentler….”
    (d) ~ All of the above.

    Obviously, just my opinion on this particular post. If I (or others) missed the point of this article, it’s not our fault. What point are you trying to make? I assume it took some time to put this post together and it was well written. If people miss the point, it can only be because you spend more time on expressing your rude, non-constructive criticism and making clear your blatant distaste for the images you chose as you did for the theme of the article.

Comments are closed.